How to Be a Good Officiant
1.Generate a List of Planning Questions: Planning a wedding can be a stressful undertaking (is that an understatement?), and it can help if the officiant takes a proactive role in guiding the planning and execution of the ceremony. If I were officiating a friend's wedding, I would generate a list of questions such as: What is your vision for your wedding ceremony? Do you want to revise a pre-existing script or write an original one? What kind of tone do you want me to set as an officiant? What is your ideal deadline for finalizing the ceremony? How often and when should we meet to work on it? What kind of clothes do you want me to wear? Do you want me to coordinate the rehearsal? How else can I help? If you anticipate that your friend may be unsure or indecisive about any of these questions, it might be extremely helpful to come up with a few options to present to the couple.
2.Start Meeting with the Couple: Ceremony planning should be a priority. The earlier you can start meeting with the couple, the better. Bring your list of questions, but let the couple decide the ultimate direction of the meeting. Then, just listen and take notes!
3.Remember Your Role Is to Serve: As an officiant, it is your role to help the couple execute whatever wedding they feel represents them. Even though the traditional wedding ceremony places the officiant in the center, ultimately, the officiant is more of a facilitator.
My Advice for How to Pick a Good Officiant:
1.Pick Someone Who Knows You: The most meaningful and sincere wedding ceremonies I've seen usually have an officiant who truly knows the couple (or at least one partner).
2.Decide What Kind of Ceremony You Want: Start with a vision for what kind of wedding you want to have and then pick an officiant who can help you reach that vision. And don't be afraid to pick an officiant who truly embodies the kind of ceremony you want, regardless of what disapproving family members may say.
3.Start Early: It's easy to put off the planning of the wedding ceremony because it's hard. It's a lot easier to dwell on flowers or shoes. But don't let yourself procrastinate too much! The ceremony is the heart of your wedding. It's the proclamation and cementation of your marriage.
Kate said...
I've never been an officiant, but we asked a good friend to officiate our wedding and out of that experience here are some tips:
1. Be clear on who is expected to research & write the ceremony - you or the couple. In our case, we wrote most of it but have several sections where we specifically wanted him to write in his own voice. But we still gave him a direction of what we wanted(welcome speech, meditation, announcement of husband & wife).
2. Stay organized. Whatever works best for you - but have one place where you compile your readings, example ceremonies, contact info for people involved, paperwork, etc.
3. If you are not a JP or minister, be clear about what the state and local guidelines are. Our officiant has been awesome about his application to the state to officiate. He handled everything in a very timely way.
4. One reason to start planning early - find out very early on if there's something about what the couple wants that you don't feel comfortable with. Like getting practice to be comfortable speaking in front of people. In our case, it was important to pick somebody who knew us well but also is pretty outgoing and happy in front of a crowd. Additionally we're having a non-traditional ceremony and we didn't want somebody who would feel wierd about something a little more touchy-feeley.
One wedding I went to had a great component which might help you. The officiant had each partner write a letter to her about why they wanted to marry the other, but the other couldn't read it ahead of time. That helped guide her in planning the ceremony and she directly quoted from the letters at certain points. It was really touching.
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