#141 le sigh

As much as I've talked about loving what I do, and I truly do, I can't help but feel consistently stressed. It's like I have this pressure on my chest and I can't get it to go away. I am working all the time and my projects keep piling up to no end. I keep thinking, "Finish the little stuff first to make room for the big stuff" but in reality, I need to do a little bit of big stuff bit by bit. I've been hitting my deadlines but because of lack of sleep, stress, and a busy schedule, I feel so overwhelmed. The benefits here are great though- my departments gets fed quite often and we attend a lot of nice events. Now with my baby dog gone, it's hard to go home and try and snug. Her dog food bowl is still sitting on the ground with food in it. Everytime I go home, I smile, thinking Storm hasn't gotten a chance to get it then realize she's not home.

#139 R.I.P. Storm

Today was one of the hardest days I've experienced in a while. Thomas and I took Storm to the vet Thursday because she wasn't feeling well at all. It was very sudden- her body just started getting weaker and weaker. Turns out my baby girl had cancer in her spleen and it is suddenly taking over her. I got to know and love Storm for the past 2 years- I've known her for 7 years but really connected with her in the past 2 years. I wasn't sure if I could love an animal that was raised by someone else, but she was always there for me, protecting me - truly selfless. I've never had such a connection with an animal- nevermind that she was 14 years old, her spirit was still a puppy. Very youthful, happy, bouncy, annoying. Though I had my previous cat for 13+ years, she was still a cat meaning ultimately selfish and would probably turn her own mother in if it meant she would gain something. Storm, on the other hand, loved her family and would risk her life to defend her owners tooth and nail- something I just adored about her. Yet, she could be so girly despite her strong upbringing. I miss hugging her and rolling in the dirt- we would literally dance whenever we had the chance. She'd bounce around and jump up in the air as high as her arthritis would allow and when she landed, her talons would scrape up my leg. *oh well*

When we found out she wasn't going to get better, instead of leaving her at the vet which she hates, we took her home. Thomas took off 2 days to spend time with her at home. I was off Saturday and instead of going home to my family, I stayed with Storm all day. We took her outside and I snuggled right next to her reading my company book, TGIM. When it got too cold, Thomas picked the 80 lb+ pooch back inside and onto her handmade bed by me. Thomas rearranged our furniture so that we could live out of our 1 room and to be with Storm. At 4am, we heard a yelp and both of us hopped up to be next to her. We stayed with her until the end which is still the most haunting part for me, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. We went to our new garage and I watched Thomas build a wooden box for her. We had a burial for Storm a few hours later. I wrote her a pink Thank You-for-being-a-good-pup card and cried like a baby reading it at the burial. I left the card in the soil for closure. I miss you so much Storm. This is so hard.